My name is Erin. I grew up in a Mormon household all my life. My life has not been what many believe a ordinary Mormon girl's life to be. It was filled with obstacles ranging from an eating disorder, a mental illness, suicidal thoughts, sexually identity issues, and a sporadic relationship with God, my Savior and the church...
But to save the details, just know that GOD helped me through all of this. Though there were times of me denying God and Jesus...and there were times where I would try to find refuge in different spiritual beliefs...I knew deep down that something was missing. And it was Jesus Christ in my life. He was the one, through His blood and sacrifice, that cleansed me completely. Him on the Cross, Him in the Garden, His teachings...this is what saved me. Saved me from my confusion, depression, and my rattling thoughts. And my Heavenly Father's love and blessings always played a repeating role in that as well. How great is Our God!
And then there is the Church. The Church and I have had our ups and downs. I realize looking back in retrospect...that it was mostly my fault. I picked my ways rather then God's way. There was time recently where I had to step down. I had to accept the fact that there were somethings I was doing and I was supporting that weren't right. I had to try to see the bigger picture. Sometimes, we don't understand why God makes His laws and Doctrine the way the He does until a certain moment. I experienced that moment of an epiphany of some sort last summer when I was visiting my extended family. One of my cousin's has a sweet baby that I had a connection with. He was a blessing in my life, really...because of His laughter and smile and just his calming presence. While I was holding him and he fell asleep in my arms, that was the moment where I could understand just a little sliver of God's Plan of Happiness ( https://www.lds.org/topics/plan-of-salvation?lang=eng ) and the Family Proclamation ( https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng ). When that sweet little baby held onto my pinky with such trust, it was in that moment where I could envision myself as a mother and I could understand God just a little more.
And then there is worshiping. Now, to Mormons, worship is many things; prayer, the sacrament, going to Church, going to the temple ( https://www.lds.org/church/temples?lang=eng ). But I want to introduce another kind of worship...more modern then hymns...something that could connect all age groups within the Church, especially the youth. I want to introduce worship music. I think why there is such a reluctance to the Church is not because of it's values and principles but because there isn't some kind of universal thing we all could do, other then prayers, to truly connect to God.
When I was 13, I stumbled across worship music (known as Christian music) and it changed my life. I had this dream when I was young to become the first worship leader in Mormon history. Someone to introduce our youth to modern music about JESUS. (And no, I am NOT talking about efy music). I'm talking about something bigger.
For example, I always thought...how AWESOME would it be if we had a huge worship service during youth conference. Sure...many youth would be reluctant and shy at first to get into the music. But thats the thing - we need to try to assimilate modern Christian music in our LDS gatherings. Many people have told me that this could not work because there is this stigma in the church that the spirit comes in a whisper and if there is loud music, we will not hear the music. I completely disagree. On the contrary, I feel like myself and many other members of the church are capable of feeling the spirit like it is a rushing wind, like a fire within. And when I worship...there is quote that often comes to my mind...
"Many people ask why so many of us Christians around the world jump, yell, and move when prompted that they feel the Holy Spirit. But let me ask you this; if you're body was on fire...what would you do?"
There is a reason why worship services in the Christian communities bring in thousands...and I want to share that into the Mormon Church.
Because honestly, worship music has brought a new meaning of Jesus to me. He isn't just my Savior that heals me. God isn't just a God to pray to. But when I sing and express my love through dancing and yelling, I feel the Spirit...because of worship I can feel the Spirit on a whole different level.
And I will dedicate my life to sharing that with all the world.
